*Taps on the Door…Enters a Tad Sheepishly*

Well…hello.

Seems that I popped by in November after a three-month absence, threw a steaming fit of anger and disappeared again for almost twice as long.

Can’t say I’m sure what to make of that.

I’m back now though! I still want to continue writing here, but I have to focus a bit more on the things I want to shine a light on…things I have to say.

A few days ago, I decided to pull the curtain on my old rambles blog.I wanted to move in a fresher direction, considering that a lot has happened in the past few months.

For one thing, my job kind of disappeared out from under me a couple weeks after my last post here. Then I began working as a coordinator at my dad’s company until he suggested I travel to Canada and the US with my mom to see my sisters. At first I wasn’t sure if I should go, considering I was only beginning to get into the swing of things. Wouldn’t it be weird to leave after only a month?

But then I thought about it and figured…if not now, then when? I have an opportunity to see what it would be like to stay in on this side of the world. I can look for jobs, see my sisters, and really get a feel for what I may want to get into—whether it was now or a few years down the line.

Well, it’s been a great ride so far. I spent a month-and-a-half in London, Ontario and saw Neo, my older sister. She took us EVERYWHERE. It was fantastic! London is beautiful, tiny and adorable. I was surprised at the stuff you could do there, all things considered. I come from a family of big city dwellers, and we’re used to the bustle and magnitude of a metropolitan area. London hardly comes close…but damn did it grow on us. 

Now I’m in Phoenix, Arizona, where Suijin works and where a ton of my cousins live. I’ve been here since the beginning of April and, bit by bit, I’m settling down. This week, I opened a bank account and am in the process of getting my driver’s license. I’m applying to jobs and have a couple of leads that I hope pan out.

Fingers crossed that things turn out for the best, and in the spirit of that…

I will be returning to No Easy Answer and my brand spanking new blog An Existential Crayon, hoping to chronicle some of this stuff, and turn over a new page in this little nomadic life of mine. Hope y’all stick around for the ride!

Um…Hi!!

I’ve been out of the loop while not being too out of the loop these days. Does that make sense? Probably not.

I guess I mean I’ve been connected to things happening here and in my homeland, but I haven’t been in the mood to talk about it much.

I’m sorry for being gone for this long. (I seem to be starting a lot of posts this way. I’ve read somewhere that one should never update with “sorry for not updating” but I can’t seem to take that to heart. I sometimes feel like my blog(s) are living creatures. Neglect, though unintentional, ought to be apologized for).

My days have been kind of busy. In April, I got a couple of promising job interviews, which went a long way in lifting me out of my stuck-in-a-rut phase. I’ve generally been trying to push forward with my life and, throughout it all, I couldn’t really think of anything pertinent for this little spot on the web.

To illustrate how bloody slow looking for jobs here can be: I applied for one at a multinational company on November 19. I got a reply yesterday. That’s almost six months. (It was a politely worded form letter letting me know that the position I applied to had been canceled. Imagine waiting 174 days to know that your potential job title went the way of the dodo).

Unsurprisingly, sending out CV’s and cover letters just to get absolutely zilch for months can put a rather large damper on your mood. But! It’s been quite a learning experience. At the risk of sounding a little cheesy, I’ve been working really hard on trying to change how I view my life, instead of waiting for things to change so I could be happy. It was a long and crappy process, but it did so much to get me out of the cycle of boredom and self-loathing.

(Admittedly, I began to change how I felt not very long before I started getting some replies to my many job applications. I don’t know if that was causal or a coincidence. Maybe a bit of both).

My daily life has me mostly spending time with my family. Sometimes I go out with friends, when we all have the time to meet up. I read, write a little, blog a little, draw a little and watch Game of Thrones. (Speaking of which, IT’S GETTING SO DAMN GOOD I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL NEXT WEEK).

I do have some stuff I want to talk about, and I have posts (or ideas) written up in my head. Just getting them out takes more effort, sometimes, than I’m able to give. I’m just trying to take things easy and ease myself into the idea of starting a working life again–something I’ve been needing since last August, really. (I haven’t officially gotten a job yet, but I’m getting pretty close. Just got to get some stuff finalized).

Wish me luck!

Tromps In, Slightly Disheveled

Man…I did not plan to leave this unattended for this long.

I’m sorry about that, people. But it’s nothing new, considering my history with writing here, eh?

I haven’t had much to say that would fit into this blog right now. I’m in a transitory stage where I’m trying to find a job, and figure out how to “stabilize” my life. (TCK’s and stability don’t seem to go hand-in-hand all that smoothly). It kind of sucks—a lot, to be honest—but it’s an experience. I think that’s why I’m not thinking about more serious or personal topics for this blog at the moment. I have enough of it going on that I kind of don’t want to think about it more than I have to.

I’m hoping everyone’s doing well! I miss being here…I feel like a neglectful parent. *Pats blog on the head apologetically* I plan to come up with a decent post as soon as I think of one.

Californicious!

California! Land of beauty and bursting at the seams with everything and anything you could want to do.

It’s where I’m at now. It’s why I haven’t been updating much since I left Lebanon. I spent all of five days in Qatar before I hopped a couple of planes with my sisters and came here. I’m currently chilling at my uncle’s house, which doubles as our home here.

It was a rough start to get used to things here at first, but I’m having a pretty good time. In twenty-seven days we’ve been up and down Orange County, Santa Monica, San Francisco, San Diego and LA. We went to Knott’s Berry Farm and Universal Studios and have yet to go to Disneyland and Magic Mountain. Tomorrow the three of us are heading to Arizona to visit our cousins and their awesome brood of kids. Should be bloody awesomecakes!

I can’t say I’m not worried about the future, and I can’t say I know exactly what I’m going to do. It’s probably the biggest damper I have on this vacation because I hate being on shaky ground. But it’s nothing that can’t be fixed. For now, I’m just trying to enjoy myself. I don’t know when the next update will be, but I’ll try to be back before long!

Hey Guys…

All right, twenty-five days away from here was a tad too long of a hiatus, especially because I wasn’t planning on taking one in the first place.

If anything, I’ve been keeping really busy because I started my CELTA course on the fifth and it’s been non-stop classes, teaching, lesson plans, assignments, more lesson plans, feedback, do-this-don’t-do-that-improve-here-that’s great-this-isn’t ever since.

Whew.

I honestly feel more fulfilled and excited taking this course than I ever did in my 2.5 years in AUB studying a major I honestly liked. Go figure.

Recently the situation in Lebanon has been…very crappy. Devastating car bombs detonated in Dahyeh and Tripoli within a week of one another, killing tens of people and injuring hundreds.  I would dwell on these disgusting events, but because my last few posts are all depressing, I’m not going to talk about them now. Besides, Gino and Elie both wrote up excellent posts about what’s been happening that there’s no need for redundancy from my end.

On the bright side, I’ve at least been keeping myself occupied, and happily so, for the past few weeks. For now, I just wanted whoever’s reading this to know I’m still alive and kickin’. I’m gonna inject some life back into this blog when something worth noting comes along. as long as it comes paired with the time to note it.

I Should Be Burying Myself in Biology…

…but I’m gonna be here for a second. I decided I didn’t want to leave my last post to be the remaining reflection on my feelings until the next “real” update. It was kinda depressing.

Not that the feelings aren’t still there in their own sticky ways, ’cause they haven’t left me alone. But! I am feeling better. I’m having happy and active days, while others can range from downers to simply average or mundane. Depends on the emotional forecast at hand.

Nothing more or less than what the whole world goes through on a regular basis eh?

This week will be as busy as it gets because I have two midterms and a presentation all falling on the 28th. Which doesn’t make for the best of moods, even if you’re Tom Hiddleston at heart. (Seriously that guy is in a constant state of bliss and charm. I want whatever he eats in the morning).

Anyways, this is just to say everything’s cool and I’m fine and still truckin’ along. I’m sure I’ll perk up a little more after Thursday because the bulk of the annoying stuff will be over and I’ll have a four-day weekend to boot! (Easter break, for the win!)

Hope all of you guys are doing awesomely :-)

Miles to Go Before I Sleep…

I’ve been dropping by pretty often but inspiration cruelly deserts me whenever I need it the most. I have little choice but to keep this place secured in the virtual sameness I’m feeling every day.

Ah the freaking goddamn Sameness. Funny how it sucks all inspiration from me, and yet it’s the very topic of the post I started working on a few minutes ago. Guess that’s what happens when something’s driving you increasingly mad (and in more ways than one). Hopefully, I’ll have the post up in a couple of days at most.

I suppose you could say I’m in a bit of a slump at the moment where it concerns blogging. I feel like I have a lot to say, but then I sit with my hands poised over the keyboard…and the words evaporate and I’m left with a rock of frustration rudely plunked in the pit of my stomach.

Life in general is all right, but it could sorely use some tweaking. I’m trying to insert more and more changes to liven my days up a bit because my insides, both intangible and not, are feeling a little atrophied.

More in the next post.

Just Saying Stuff:

I’m an incurable WordPress theme hopper, as is well known. I’ve been jumping around with themes for this blog but I keep coming back to the one I’m using now.

I guess the style and typography is what keeps drawing me in. Perhaps it’s a good thing to have some stability on a blog that can talk about the lack thereof, right?

I don’t have another post in mind but I’ll come up with one soon. For now I’m debating whether I should take a nap or work on an essay due Tuesday.

Decisions, decisions…

(What am I talking about, nap time is totes winning).

When Uni Courses Imitate Life

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it here or on my other blog before, but I’ve developed a huge liking for sociolinguistics. I took it last semester and I’m seriously thinking of making it the focus of my Master’s degree. (That is, if and when I decide to go for it).

This term I’m taking a class called “Language and Identity” and, even though the first lecture was only today, it’s already cementing my love of the subject. No doubt that it’s going to give me a lot to discuss here because the course is dedicated to figuring out what identity really is.

Barely a week in and this is already turning out to be a pretty fascinating semester…

Life Update:

First of all: Happy Belated New Year’s Peeps!

Sorry it’s been nearly a month, but I’ve been pretty damn swamped. I’m working on the final copy of my memoir project for my Creative Non-Fiction class, and it’s the last thing I have to finish before finals. Once I’m done, I’m thinking of  going through all the episodes that I published here and re-editing them as well. It’ll make it more “polished” so to speak.

A few days ago, I stayed up until nearly 4:00 a.m working on a blog post that I really wanted to share. However, just as I was going to wrap it up, I suddenly decided I didn’t want to publish it right away. It covered a sad and humbling event, and I felt a little too raw and emotional at the time. (I’ve learned through experience to not publish posts when I feel that way). So I’ve left it alone until I can look at it with a fresher mind and I’m glad I did. Turns out that new details came to light in the days afterwards that changed a few things in what I wrote and thought.

I’m being rather cryptic, I know, but just know there is a blog post coming soon. First, I have to finish all this crap in the last couple of weeks of uni I have left. Yo ho ho, a student’s life for me!