We Just Need a Cool Name for It

The more I watch the news (or rather, hear the news playing in the background while I sit around doing other things) the more I realize that–to use my sister’s words–the Middle East needs a new plague.

Obviously, I would want it to be a discerning plague. Like one that only infects stupid, barbaric, and backwards people. However, if you have the brains and drive to make your country better and guide its citizens to education, equality and prosperity, then the plague will somehow sense this and leave you untouched.

Because when I hear of some militant fundamentalist “Islamic” group publicizing a set of the most BS rules I’ve ever heard, well…a bit of a discerning plague is in order.

On the other hand, these same rules make great joke fodder in that, “If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry” kind of way. I’ll be happy to share some that stuck out to me. (These are, of course, right alongside the usual fundie mindset of “women-must-be-controlled-and-subjugated-at-all-times” claptrap).

  1. Men and women can’t wear jeans or put gel in their hair or style it in any way that would be deemed “western”.
  2. Women can’t go see male gynecologists
  3. If you’re caught drinking or selling liquor, you’ve earned yourself 40 lashes. (Or maybe it was 70? Either way, you clearly deserve to bleed because living on the same planet as these troglodytes isn’t punishment enough).

And lastly, this is my favorite one:

Women should not be allowed to sit on chairs.

No, I’m dead bloody serious, they actually said that. The reason is as absurd as it is headache-inducing: “Chair” in Arabic (كرسي) is a masculine word…and so women must not be in contact with them.

Why yes, I’m on a chair as I write this. I feel rebellious already.

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